Worst

Vent,

release,

escape.

I have no idea what to do. I can hardly move. I cannot tell if it is my kidneys, or just my back muscles. When I was younger, I would be gripped with back and shoulder pain to accompany my chest pains. When I changed my diet, it vanished. Apart from the return of my mind, it was my greatest relief. Now the pain in my intestines is intense, but the contractions in my back muscles are far more debilitating.

This cannot be good for my mind, but I feel that I am dealing with it a lot better than I was when things first started to get really bad. All the suffering I endured over the years has hardened my resolved, and expanded my capacity to carry this new burden. I am sure that if it had simply started this badly that I would not have had it in me to endure.

Just over two weeks of being in the Rio Grande Valley I had my first bowl movement, fallowed by sixteen hours of the most debilitating pain I have ever been in. This would worry me more if I had not been vomiting so much. Any time I get too hot, I puke which does not bode well for the coming season. I am on a mostly liquid diet at the moment, but I am having a hard time finding a source of protein I can handle. I asked one of the employees at the grocery store if they carried hemp hearts, and she sent me to the valentines chocolate section.

I cannot think.

Drinking water gives me heart burn.

Three hours after eating anything I am rendered unable to move.

Lets try and think of something positive. I have seen three possums so far, one I fallowed for a block or two before it made its escape. The second went up a tree as soon as it saw me, and we stayed looking at each other for good while before I went on my way. The third was laid out on the side of the road. Poor guy.

What I really want to see is an armadillo. Since I arrived I have not made it more than 2.2 miles from the house, when I went to deposit a check at BoA. So I may have to extend my range before I see anything more interesting. I am have been lucky in many regards so far with this trip, I cannot drink the tap water, but there is a water store with a reverse osmosis machine sitting out front for twenty four hour service. Twenty five cents a gallon for water that doesn't smell like it came out of a pool.

The games store is only two blocks down the road, but I have only been well enough to visit three times so far, and I have yet to play a game with any one who was not once in, or actively involved in the military. I have been asked how I feel about being a visible minority here in McAllen, and I usually reply that it just like being in Vancouver. Winter Texans are rather looked down upon by the locals here. Much the same way the hooker hates the John, they know we bring in the bucks they just wish they had a little more respect.

Half the houses are empty. Half the store fronts are empty. But they are clearly building more all over the place. The whole area I am in is rather new. It used to be citrus trees until a frost came and killed most of the trees years back. At that point it would have cost too much to replant everything and wait the years it takes to bring production back online, so they paved the place and sold the land for real-estate developments.

Every one keeps honking at me. I think I would cut my hair shorter if I was getting out at all. I see many of the men tense up becoming notably uncomfortable just at the sight of me. My gut reaction when ever i see this is to make them even more uncomfortable, but I lack the energy and I am a little concerned with how many concield weapon permits they have issued locally, so I have settled on avoiding eye contact.

The three places that are listed as yoga centres by google have all gone out of business. I have only seen two women that looked like they may practice, and I almost went up to them to ask but going up to strangers, "Hey! Where do you do yoga?" is just a little socially inappropriate.

They have well over fifty brands, taking up more than thirty feet of shelf space, and only a single offering of organic yogurt with fewer than five ingredients. I spent half an hour reading labels. The FDA has noted no difference between cows treated with rBST and cows not treated with growth hormones. Well I do not care what you think FDA, I am not eating it. I also cut soy from my diet. Which brought my already limited choices down half again.

I feel like shit.

I am going to go.