Red Wine Soliloquy

It is your choice.

So an idea comes to me, it can come from any place, something I see, or hear or anything. They come from all over. Then I have the idea and I start to think about it, expand it out modify it based on what I have been thinking about lately, or any other number of internal or external influences. The idea grows and changes, and very often leaves behind whatever source may have sparked the idea. So by the time I am thinking about this for long enough to convince myself it is funny, and laugh loudly to myself it has most likely gone through several stages of development, so asking me what I am laughing at often times leaves me in a situation where I am forced to make something else up, as an explanation would surely tear a hole in space time. Or something.

So that is why I laugh to myself.

Or sometimes mumble half a sentence.

Because I have gone insane, the words change but the meaning is still the same. The reputation of repetition echoing endlessly back on it self though corridors and halls. The walls and ceilings creaking cracking lacking the insight brought by visions of the possible probable paradox of passings. Of what thought, of what unthinkable paradigms could come such clutter clamouring, chanting calling, down, down, down and away.

So I have started playing halo again.

Before I went tree planting last summer I switched my controller configuration from the standard keyboard mouse configuration to the classic Legacy configuration. The bonus to this control style is that it splits the movement and look controls between the two joysticks to allow for a more fluid sweeping movement and ultimately more accurate sniping. Now when you have been a computer gamer for as long as Sean, and when a substantial number of games are only available with the mouse and keyboard configuration, it is understandable that switching mid career to a wholly new control style is a bit of a hurtle.

It is however not insurmountable. I spelt insurmountable correctly on my first try! You see back in the day there was this crazy system that introduced this crazy thing call the thumb stick. Then they came out with the crazy game for it called 007 Golden Eye. The thumb stick allowed first person shooters to be taken to the next level so to speak. There was however only one thumb stick, which ultimately resulted in the strafe and vertical axis control to be pushed over onto the buttons leaving the thumb stick to control momentum and the horizontal axis. It was a control configuration designed out of necessity, and lives on today as Legacy. Snipers Choice.

What is the point of all this? Memory of course! When you are in a stressful situation you regress with the stress ultimately meaning that when bullets and rockets are flying all over the place and instinct takes over, instinct still thinks I am playing with a mouse. Instinct twists me around the wrong way slams me into a wall and gets me shot. It does not make sense to split the control of the axis when you have two thumb sticks! Why can you not just get a mouse for your xbox! So I have to force myself to stop, relax and think. I think back to playing bond, I think about what it feels like to walk around corners, to run circles around some one you were attempting to put holes into. I think, I relax and and it comes to me. I regain control and hopefully not into a bullet this time.

I have memories I cannot remember. Some of these things I say are nothing but something some one else said to me before. I cannot remember being told, or who told me these things, but at the right moment, at the right instant the memory will surface just enough for me to quote it, and I will call it my own.

You are the only person I have even come close to being honest with.

I have never really been of the persuasion that suicide is always the worst outcome. I am sure that there are people who have gone on living to do great evils and unforgivable wrongs after they stepped down off the stool. I am also a big proponent of choice. If you think your situation is so unbearable you are probably right. My solution to the mood swinging Sunday night slitter is that if you wanted to end your life so badly you should be willing to starve your self to death. Eating disorder any one?

I am the terror that flaps in the night,
That Kentucky Fried Chicken that wasn't quiet right,
I am Dark Wing Duck.

Uehen gonna eat that

I am the kind of person who would feel ethically obligated to reject any woman who had received breast enlargement surgery.

The Truth Takes Care Of Itself

The drugs still work you are just twice as fucked as before.

Like sticking rusty nails into your veins.

The truth takes care of itself. It may get battered, it may get bruised, but the truth, it is a survivor. it is in it for the long haul, and it will prevail.

My boss at bobs always claimed to be a good judge of people, which in itself was an indicator that he was anything but. So I get the job, and this other fellow gets the job and naturally my first thoughts are of how do I remove this insult? It was by luck that I answered the phone first and was called in for the first emergency shift, so I got my foot in first. I got a few more hours than he, but still I pondered on what could oust him. It was not long before I realized that taking no action was a mush better plan, it avoided making myself look any more cut throat than need be and all I had to do was act surprised when I found out that he was dealing out of the store.

How subjective is truth. A part of me thinks that it is purely a mathematical ideal.

The letter v is enjoyable to me. Verbosely vocalizing various vintage vocabularies. Say that five times fast. Or even once out loud. Did any one hear you?

Say anything,
Anything,
Say anything,
Anything,
Anything.
Say.

Money and me are like oil and water. I am all wet and the other starts fires. Is admitting you are a monster grounds for redemption? Step two of twelve. Atone!
Atone you mother fuckers! Burn! Burn!

So please,
Say,
Anything,
Say I’ll be
Mon ami
Anything,
Anything.

I think this will take care of itself.

staring
Sean as Fitz
Uehen as Gerald

We are your friends, you’ll never be alone again.

Paint

We may be the only people in Winnipeg blasting Bella and Sebastian.

I fear that I have not updated in some time.
I fear I have nothing to say.
Repeat.

I fear that I have not updated in some time.
I fear I have nothing to say.
Repeat.

I fear that I have not updated in some time I fear I have nothing to say.

James Brown has had a negative impact on my ability to form cohesive sentences. This is a side affect of the sudden increase in substance abuse that goes on between the walls. Even Amanda finished almost a whole Mickey to her self the other night. Not that I am implying she has a drinking problem. I remember being sent [to Rome] from [New York] after taking only four blades hoots, this was before Christmas. I could hardly speak or stand, so the [studios] decision to send me [to Rome] was hardly a surprise. Now four is a warm up round. Or something we do after we have smoked something else. This has been some of the best I have encountered and I have a lot of it so my tolerance has shot through the roof. If only there were more advanced harder substance to abuse, ones that could addict and destroy me! Surely that would cure my insatiable thirst for an altered reality!

*Shivers*

James Brown also speaks the demons name.

Salvia.

Salvia is like a mirror with no frame.
Some do not see it,
While others do,
And do not like what they see.

I started compiling a document on it, as I realized that I was in a rather unique position to shed some light on the demon. It is a ways a way from being done, as I am very lazy and often get distracted by Mario Kart.

But,

It is like the old saying goes, you never really quit you just stop for a while.

Like coke, hitting your wife, and sodomy, once you have crossed the line, there is nothing you can do but lie, or do it again. Once the road has been traveled, there is no question left as to capability.

I thought I was dead.

You most likely do not understand what it is to live through the revelation that you are no longer alive. I was convinced beyond all questions that I had reached the end of time, and exhaled my last breath. I came to accept the passing of the universe and found peace in the absence of existence. It was terror once memory started to flow back. Realizing that I had no died caused me to suffer a panic attack and another wave of hallucination. That was the first time I went into the deep end. I have since been back twice, with a few trips around the kiddie pool as well, but nothing like the first time. So still,

It calls to me.

There is nothing I can say, there is nothing I could do to make you under stand the things that you will go through. If smoke’n and toke’n is left best with joking my recommendation is revoking the idea that this trip is a vacation. Through your travels may go far only your brain leaves the station. All the rules are off, and if they aren’t we’ll go out of our ways just to break them. So if all you want to see is just how far it really goes, give me a shout, and I’ll introduce you to some one who knows.

Harper Speared.

On another note, the conservatives only won thirty six percent of the vote. This could hardly be called the will for change, much less revolution. Will the conservatives keep it in their pants for long enough to make some visible improvements to the country? How long can they pretend that they do not want to bend over and take it from America?

I put “Harper” as one of the topics to search for on my news.google page. I never kept tabs on Martin, but some how I feel compelled to watch this tricky fuckers every move. Did you know back in ‘89 he was serving as head of the anti-Medicare National Citizens Coalition. He does not say too much about that now, like most other right wing vultures he has discovered that the best way to sell capitalism is to lie about it.

“At a conference in Vancouver last fall, Medicare opponents openly discussed how to repackage their message to make it more palatable to Canadians. As the Star's Thomas Walkom reported, one privatization guru told the crowd they'd have more success selling private medicine if they pitched it, not as a way for the affluent to jump the queue, but as a way to "strengthen" Medicare.”
(taken from the Toronto Star)

If Harper keeps his views hidden from your mom and dad he may still have a chance of winning a majority. Leaving our social system in the hands of a man who's devoted much of his life to figuring out how to destroy it.

The Liberals had been working on a day care program for inner city women.

Three fourths of Canada’s mothers have another job, and not having to worry about a baby sitter would take much stress off of them. It also employs day care workers, and frees up segments of the work force that may not have been able to work otherwise. Harper will likely dismantle this day care program, in favour of giving checks to the mothers. These checks will be appreciate by whom ever receive them, little doubt in that, but will the money do more good than an organized and regulated system? As the checks will be going largely to groups of people who already have money management issues.

When you let rich white men make all the choices, you get answers that please rich white men.

You throw your children to the wolves,
And weep at your misfortune.

Mr.Bush says that ethanol is the solution to Americas oil addiction. Little does he know that it currently takes more petroleum to make ethanol than you get ethanol from the end of the process. If we were to switch over to ethanol we would first have to decentralize our processing stations and start producing gas locally. Fire and brimstone will fall from the sky, and everything will be horrible. Doom! Doom I say!

I have to agree with Tyler though. We will not let our grasp slip, we will simply build nuclear plants to make hydrogen and bury the waste in northern Manitoba. Kill ourselves faster with radiation than we could have ever killed anything with an infinite supply of oil.

Evangelists.

If you are willing to believe

That all energy has come from the sun. The life that once flourished now lays as oil under the rock. Energy stored, ready to be tapped and utilized. If you believe, the energy that we receive now by the suns rays, by the burning tree, by dinosaur bones, was all put here for us by god. Then you do not have to ask yourself what it means to turn on the ignition.

Uehen

Planning ahead takes the guesswork out of what to do next.

Just thought you should know I just got

624 points in Mario Kart ds with Wario!