The Head of Project X

Well let me first start where I am, firmly rooted in the good ol vibe of self indulgence.

Secondly, let me tell you where I have been. At work. I have been awake now for twenty eight and a half hours, so I decided I would come and write about it. I woke up last night around midnight, and stayed up until now, four thirty in the morning the next day. I just got off a ten hour shift, but I drank a fair amount of caffeine so I should be good to go for a little while longer. I do not work until Monday night, so I have a whole day tomorrow to lay around and listen to my records.

I got some clinic, beatles, cat stevens, specials, and elliot smith. did I get bowie? nah I think I put him back...

So tonight's feast was by far the most extravagant I have yet served. I thought I had seen some fancy shit before tonight, but tonight made me realize I had not seen shit. So first imagine you are in a huge ball room, six massive chandeliers hand from the roof, painted gold, yellow, white, light brown, the walls have carvings around the top off them. Of animals. And huge hanging blinds over the two story tall windows which look down upon Winnipeg. Now the room has a full service bar, twenty two tables with ten people at each, all covered in in crisp linen, shiny heavy forks and knives, 24 oz wine glasses, a rose and apple center piece (which I will come back to later) and a menu which I will now tell you about. It was not extraordinary, that they went for a full four course meal, soup, salad, chicken or beef or vegan, then baked Alaska for desert. The meal is usually where most weddings go all in.

Sometimes people have to much money.

Sometimes on the table they chose to place a menu list, that tells what will be served in what order. Most of the time it is a simple sheet of paper, fancy font, maybe folded in half to stand up.

some times they do not have them at all.

tonight's menu set to sit on each and every one of the twenty two tables is something, well, let me try to describe it (I took one home with me.) There is a piece of golden foil cardboard which has been folded in half, on the front of it a brown piece of paper has been glued, then to that a silver piece of paper is glued then it gets a little complicated. What looks like a tea leaf with intricate and very realistic veins is glued just above the center, but it is made of golden foil. A clear piece of plastic is laying over the whole front surface, and it is on this clear plastic that the menu is written in golden fancy font. The piece of clear plastic is riveted onto the golden cardboard by four bronze looking but plastic rivets that match the colour of the brown paper between the gold and silver sheets.

on the back of this foiled cardboard, a simpler story is told. It simply has the brown paper glued to the golden paper with silver paper glued to that. the silver paper has golden writing of the itinerary. Pass go collect two hundred dollars.

The center pieces at weddings had always impressed me. Some three foot tall bong looking thing with flowers coming out the top of it and vines wrapping their way down, some floating candles on a fish bowl with roses under the water inside, giving it a large magnifying affect. I will no longer be so easily impressed. The center piece tonight had to be brought home using both arms in a struggle to steal it. I could not believe how heavy it all was, but we were sorta told we could take them, and even after will pillaged the best of them there was still a dozen left. So I am now proud to give Amy my kind and gracious host the craziest center piece I ever did see.

It is about a foot and a half by a foot in a half and a foot tall at the center, sloping only slightly towards the edge, to give it a full rounded shape. Full white roses form a stunning cross, with real green apples interplaced among greenie white flowers to form the back ground. And it smells good.

It does not perhaps sound that impressive to you. Well fuck you. It is fricken sweet. Sweet enough to make me hate them for paying almost a hundred dollars for each of them. For each table, three for the head table five for around the bar, and almost twenty five smaller versions were scattered all over the room.

they had a laser light show.

wedding.

You would have had a better chance of surviving a tour during the Vietnam war, as you would of having you marriage survive.

Bang Bang, got another one of em charlies.

horses.

they had chocolate's that looked like tea leaves and were filled with soft wonderful magic.

I do not know what it is, but the pineapple we have at the hotel melt in your god damn mouth. It is coveted by near every staff member, and now one of the most tightly guarded food stuffs we deal with. Depending on whose in charge... It is on every fruit platter we serve, sometimes with as many as sixteen of the damn things. It comes with every chocolate fondue mountain. So it is there almost every damn night. I have been caught a fair few times testing my speed limit on disappearing a belly's worth of magical heaven. But they should know better than to leave it in the back room where the costumers cannot see you eating their lovely appetizer. We are rather spoilt, but we get more positive feed back than any other part of the hotel, and we make more than any other part.

I just wish that every wedding DJ did not play the same songs every single weekend. Week after week. Does one not understand how ironic it is to play Simon and Garfunkes Cecilia at a wedding?

Nothing more to report

Sean