Christmas in November

Shock and Awe-inspiring.

Four out of five people have problems with fractions.

Sixty percent of the time it works every time.

Shows what you thought you knew.

I get too much sleep these days.

Uehen tap Sean

Brought to me by Canada Post

Four Twenty: Emancipation Sublimation

Alright,
Here stop.
Let me interject for a moment. Not that your speech is not filling me with the pride to go work hard, but there is just one thing that I think you should know. I understand you. The words you speak, I understand them perfectly the first time you say them. You do not have to repeat your point using slightly different words, over and over again. I understand. So can we move on?

Understanding.

People who lack understanding are my least favorite people. And just because you did not go to school does not mean you do not understand, and vise versa. There is no such thing as common knowledge, there is no universal knowledge base that everyone draws from. There is however understanding, and understanding what is common is key to success for a great many people. This understanding of common things creates cultural pockets, within regional pockets, within global pockets. Experience gained in these pockets leads to an understanding of what is common there. The more pockets you expose yourself to the wider your base of understanding will be.

The difference between ignorance and hate is knowing what it is like, to be in the skin of the thing you hate, and feel no empathy.

See Uehen Run, See Sean Run
Run Uehen Run.

Understanding what you need to do, to be successful, and doing it.

e·man·ci·pate
1. To free from bondage, oppression, or restraint; liberate.
2. Law. To release (a child) from the control of parents or a guardian.

sub·li·mate
1. Chemistry. To cause (a solid or gas) to change state without becoming a liquid.
2.
1. To modify the natural expression of (a primitive, instinctual impulse) in a socially acceptable manner.
2. To divert the energy associated with (an unacceptable impulse or drive) into a personally and socially acceptable activity.

Exodus

My not so subtle campaign for the removal of my other room mate has begun.

With James giving the thumbs up to a move here next month, Tyler called a family meeting to discuses the future. Firstly, I have to clean the downstairs bathroom. Secondly we will be removing Ryan’s girl friend from her room. She said no. This came as a shock to me as I could not see any logical way that she could keep her room. She is behind on rent, and being only one third of the total population of this house she does not really have a leg to stand on. She behaved as any one who feels trapped would behaved, grasping desperately at every point she could think of trying to find some high ground. Being the only girl, needing more space, how she has been left out of all the decisions in the house, how she likes it with just the three of us. She failed to make any decent points with one small exception. She offered to pay more rent. Being behind on payments as she is I do not know how she would plan to compensate us for the eighty dollars each that we would be lost, but sure she can keep the biggest room if she starts paying four hundred and eighty dollars a month. Plus utilities.

I suggested she move out but she argued that her name is on the lease, that she has no where to go, and blab blab blab blab blab. I am fairly sure that having her name removed would be as easy as asking our landlord and I have already printed off some listings for other housing options for her. Tyler has already said that he does not want to play the good cop in this situation and would be more than happy to see her leave as well. You see, I do not liking living with people who lie to my face. I do not forgive easily, and I certainly do not forgive with out reason. She is not welcome here, and I plan on doing my best to remind her of that.

I wrote her a poem on the refrigerator with Tyler’s Shakespearian magnetic word set.

Naught Ladys Tale

Foul woman
Give me fortune
Seek nothing here whatsoever
Yield your curse and bestow mercy
How can thine lazy will ask above we?
Oft speaks in trifle vulgar
Vile poison is in her manner
See thee make haste please
Wench no friend shall you herein be
Never come ne’er more
Farewell

From
Villain

Not bad for such a limited selection of words. I thought signing it from villain would help add to the imagery I wanted to bring to her mind.

This campaign will be anything but subtle.

Tyler objects to my style. He would rather I not approach things from such a straight forward stance. He would prefer it if I did not declare myself against her, but that is just because Tyler is a big wuss and does not like to see people argue. I on the other hand seem to revel in the light of opposition, to take pleasure in having an opponent to overcome. He says I am tasteless in my tactics!

Oh look! She put the apartments for rent sheet under the keyboard so as to show me that she rejects my offering of another place to live. Well I will just have to print off five more pages and put it under her door so she sees it in the morning. Then I can get her work schedule and start booking her appointments for viewing new places to live. I can call rental companies and leave her name and cell phone number so that they call her back. I can turn off the water when she is having a shower.

She said she likes it her with just the three of us. Does my not liking her score as a counterpoint?

After the family meeting she went to clean the upstairs bathroom, (to showcase how useful she can be) myself and Tyler tried to sympathize with our adversary. He asked, “How would you have tried to keep your room?” I shrugged and said that I would have just tried going after his rooms as a trade. He then suggested that he would simply just stay in the room, and refuse to leave. This plan however, as I pointed out to him only lasts for as long as she does not go to work. If she has not moved out of her room by the time James gets here, we will be moving her out.

The biggest problem I face in removing this witch is that she is lazy. Like so many other blank minded bipeds that populate this planet she would rather live in suffering than change. She would rather work at a shit job than look for a new one. This is a problem as I will have to make things extremely uncomfortable for her before she even considers leaving. It has been suggested that my ignoring her completely, with out words or eye contact has resulted in her shutting herself away in her room this last month. This sadly will only hinder my progress. However that is not to say that I am above knocking on her door to inquire if she has started packing yet... over and over and over... until she indeed starts packing.

I sit in a position with nothing to lose.

I have only her will to break.

My path to victory is set on all sides.

Now only to absurdly do what needs to be done.

Until it is finished.

Uehen today Sean Tomorrow

Hey! They won't let me change the time anymore!

Fire Sign

Bang! It is off.

I think I was hoping to be disappointed by marijuana. Some place inside of me wanted it not to be any fun. To try it again and say, that all that has happened is I cannot think straight.

It seems this is not the case.

My mind is racing a mile a minute, every inch of my body is alive and wide awake. I feel each muscle move every pressure on my body from the soles of my feet to the collar of my shirt. I can feel my reflexes take over as I dance around the kitchen, opening the fridge, turning on the tap, turn, grab a plate, pirouette, jump, turn, pose, magic hands.

I was thinking about getting money together and opening a sweat shop in India. It would be nice to live in India for a while, and I could open a factory making hemp clothing. It would be cheap to buy, and make I could sell it to stores right here in Canada. Small hands, good stitches.

After only the first few tries, I was not sure if I liked Mario kart DS. Then I played a few more and wanted to beat myself up for ever having thought anything bad about it. It goes cramp my hands after a while, but I just have to learn to relax my hands.

I even remembered to turn the tap head away from me, so that when I turned it on it did not splash all over me. I never remember to do that.

So I just ran out of tree planting money. Good thing I work.

Best go get the days chores done.

Uehen/Stoned

A Quest for Fire

So it is day six of a smoke free me and all is going well. It is has been ridiculously easy to stop. I always figured that saying it is not addictive is just one of those things you say, but that cigar I smoked a few days ago has left me with more cravings than I have felt for the lovely marijuana this last week. I have been fairly chronic since high school, so if I was going to develop a dependency I think I would have by now.

To toke, or not to toke: That is the question:
Whether it is better to numb the mind or suffer
These things that make life drab and dull.

I have never dreamt the feeling of an others skin. In my life I believe that I have had one vaguely sexual dream. That one dream came to me before high school. I moved to kiss, then it vanished and I was awake unsatisfied. This dream left in me a desire I had not yet felt to that point. Now this has always been a rather sore spot for me, as it is my understanding that most people dream of intimacy. I dream about being late for work, being in a submarine under attack, tripping and falling, wasteland cities in a post apocalyptic future.

Smoking marijuana hinders ones ability to dream, as it limits the amount of REM sleep one can accomplish. I awoke to this sixth day with the feeling of an others flesh warm on my mind. This first dream.

So now the question has been asked,

Do I want to keep dreaming?

Do I stop smoking to chase this fleeting dream of soft sheets and yellow sunlight.

Uehen/Sean

With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. - Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.

Medusa

But now,

But now.

And all the other things I could not bring myself to say. There is no one else around, but I can still hardly bring myself to think it.

Today is day who knows. I have come this far with out feeling the need to go back, so why not sit and chat a while. I have just been waiting for the right time to tell, I think you are a monster.

But now,

But now.

And it is all being reinforced as quantified. These is so much I will never understand, but I can see it clearly as the mirror that cannot reflect you.

Used to peer around the corners at others. What use are you, or can you be, when you will not even stand up to yourself. An ugly face hides behind a pretty one. So sleep away your self loathing, and sleep away your fears. Sleep away the afternoon, let your pillow hide your tears.

But now,

But now.





Uehen now Sean

I Should Revise This Again

Late at night, finding myself on the street again. Trying to hide the desperation in every step I take. The pale orange light from ever lamp that guides my way, I feel lost on this path to becoming whole. How much self reflection is needed before I feel another year older. Unable to shake that sense of futility that comes with every step I take, as I blacken my lungs with every breath. I feel I have nothing to say.

The poetry I listen too only makes me hurt, with every cleaver phrase. Imagery of life and loss, I feel I have accepted as much as I can take.

Oddly enough, I think my land lord is to blame for this black cloud. He does not like me, and he does not hide it well. He is quick to anger, and lacks understanding but he does not like me living here. That angers me. I felt like yelling at him, for all the good it would have done. Tyler, I feel this house, and our room mate were both mistakes. I felt myself wishing he would evict us as he argued with the plumber trying to fix our sink.

I feel unsure of myself.

I have not done any of the things I came here to do.

When any aspect of my life has displeased me in the past, I would simply cut it out and leave it behind. That is largely why I find myself living here now. Being able to leave things behind is something I had taken for granted I now realize. I find myself in this house with a woman I cannot stand. Like an inoperable cancer, eating me alive. This is why I asked you to come here James.

And the glass of course, but I do not need you for that.

I dream of Victoria, and dieing alone.

Today is day three with out smoking any marijuana. I stopped because I am running low, and because I really have not missed a day for as long as I can remember. I wanted to clear my body, so that next time I would feel it like hammer to the head. I think I will hold off until Monday, so long as this clarity does not drive me to madness. This clarity.

I have started cleaning the house every day. I shoveled the walk to near perfection yesterday. Walking the streets tonight smoking a cigar and listening to the shins, I realized that I may have the cleanest walk way in the whole Osborn area.

I bough a saw and a drill yesterday.

Yet for as agitated as this all must sound, I do love Winnipeg. Though I am not sure why. It could be the 5HTP.

I was sick this morning indirectly because of it, as when I am happy I do not eat. I was getting by on a meal a day for almost a week before it caught up with me. I wonder how heavy I am now. When I stood on the scale back in grade nine, I was a hundred and twenty nine pounds. When I stood on the scale before coming out here, I was a hundred and thirty. I did not experience much fluctuation in the time between, but I have not scale at all for the moment.

Bah. I feel better already. Stupid 5HTP will not let me have a bad day like a regular person. I still want you to move here James, getting rid of Miranda is secondary to the glass, but it is a nice bonus.

Uehen for now, Sean for later.

This rather simple epitaph can save your hide your falling mind
Fate isn't what we're up against there's no design no flaws to find
There's no design no flaws to find.

But I learned fast how to keep my head up 'cause I
Know I got this side of me that
Wants to grab the yoke from the pilot and just
Fly the whole mess into the sea.

Day Three, Still no Fire.

I woke up sore from head to foot,
My mind was in a haze,
I think I am sick, but I feel great,
I blame not eating right for days.

For you see, and as it seems,
I work best hard with out sleep,
When I feel good, I do not eat,
Who has time for eating anyway.

So I woke, without strength to stand,
But got up anyways,
Had a shower, ate some oats,
Then once again hit the hay.

I slept until four, to regain myself,
Then made a pot of tea,
Now I sit, here and write,
But this is all I have to say.

Sean/Uehen

I do not even have a watch

Hunger makes good salt.

Mmm hamburger helper.

Sure I put so much white paper on it that I am crying, but mmm...

I just got off work, and i have to be back by seven.

So if I go to bed this second, I can have six hours of sleep if I let myself be late for work. What a time to start writing...

Ugh.

I just got a letter in the mail from domo that will cover next months rent. I get paid on Friday... Hmm. Things are looking good for the month of December.

Well I managed to go a whole day with out smoking anything. The first day I have not smoked something since... well, before tree planting anyways. It is also the first day I got to bike in the snow. We went from nothing, to a foot in just one day. So long as it stays below freezing until next spring, I will try not to complain. I just do not need is a fine layer of ice covering the city to make my life hell. Snow good, ice bad.

Drill my teeth,

I do not feel like smoking pot. I feel like I need some tea... but I need sleep.

Remember kids, if you are not in your car the only thing you have to tell the cops is your name. If they are not city police, or RCMP then they have nothing on you. If they are not the cops stash your stash in your pocket and walk slowly away. Ignore everything they say. Scream rape if they touch you. Sounds silly?

I am sleepy,

Sean and Uehen.

Trouble Brewing

Fuck some people piss me off.

I had a friend who got really fucked up on drugs and they ruined his life.

You know what? Fuck you! I am tired of arguing with stupid people who counter point their own statements! You have to start doing drugs before they get the chance to fuck you up. If you quit doing them, then they never really had you in the first place did they you stupid bitch! Your friend was most likely fucked from the word go, drugs were just a nice focusing point for blame so that he could have some direction for a while, even if that direction was a downward spiral. Blaming the drugs is easier than taking the blaming yourself. Or myself...

And being pro choice is nothing more than that; the freedom of choice.

There will be a coffee machine at work tomorrow.

I need a tail.

Sean or Uehen.

Mostly Uehen.

Enter the Dragon

It takes ten dollars in sales to make one dollar of profit for Rogers. At the end of the average day, we make ten percent profit. After the staff, rent, heat, dental, and all other bills and expenses are paid.

10%

Prices adjust to keep these figures.

When investing many fallow the rule that if it has shown profit less than ten percent you do not bother investing.

In other news.

5HTP makes that first part of the morning, when you have to say to yourself, okay get out of bed, just that much easier.

I have the first of many possible meetings with the money lenders tomorrow. To go over my budget, my plan, and what I have to do next.

Who knew barrowing ten grand would be such a big deal.

I guess it is just because I want it to be a business.

Freedom Twenty Four.

Mr. Vertical Walls did it before thirty.

So some one has stolen a couple of grand worth of crap from the store as far as I can tell. Opening boxes that should have a disk in them that clearly do not. People come into the stores and take off the protection, then take the disk. Just the other day I went to watch An American Tail, you know the one with Fievel Mousekewitz? I opened it up, and there was no disk in it. Ruined my day.

The roses bloom from money.

The man smokes tobacco

Uehen or Sean

Blessed in the female,
May it be forever worshiped
as the temple it is.

How I got my name.

Dear Diary,

Father made an unexpected visit today. He flew in this morning for a funeral, an old friend from work who was killed in a car crash. Forty five years old with a wife and two children. It was held at the Masonic Temple just down the road, and there were enough people there that we were forced to stand in the main entrance while the sermon was taking place. I got the, “I remember you when you were this big,” from a good thirty people, all of whom worked with my father during his days here. I always complained that my father knew too many people in Saskatoon, but frankly the problem is just as bad here. He is already on his way back home.

I also got a new pair of pants and two new shirts today. Visits from the father are always welcome.

I got The Sims Two from work, and so far the only thing I have done is made my character have her first lesbian experience. Something makes me think that it is the first thing most people do when playing these games. See how quickly they can make the girls kiss. I played the first one for maybe an hour, and I have yet to spend that much time with this one... something makes me think I never will.


Uehen/Sean

And one day we will die,
and our ashes will fly,
from the aeroplane over the sea,
but for now we are young,
let us lay in the sun,
and count every beautiful thing we can see.

Enter

Gus @ daly burger 2844944

To call or not to call....

I do not really want to work at a burger joint. No matter how local.

So I just broke into the house in less than five minutes, with out damaging anything. I forgot my keys in my other pants and as a result found myself without a traditional means of entry. I am not about to tell you how I did it, but asking the land lord never crossed my mind...

Speaking of land lords, he came into Rogers to pay for his cell phone today and did not seem to recognize me. Most times I have seen him with fedora and formal wear, rather than lacky jump suit attire.

Really I am only writing this because it feels like it has been a long while since I have posted anything, not because I want too... more killing time until the tea boils.

Liars! I like them. The band I mean, not my roommate.

Yeah you aren’t getting any more than this.

My tea is ready.

Uehen/Sean

I,
I am the boy.
She,
She is the girl.
He,
He is the bear.
We,
We are the army you see through the red haze of blood.
Blood,
Blood,
Blood.